I’m Not That Good, Really

It’s often painful to accept the fact that no matter how good you think you are, someone’s going to be better. Fortunately, it hasn’t been the most painful thing for me to accept, in fact I always tell myself  ‘I’m still not good enough and I’m dying to improve’ and occasionally I get so upset because once you’re used a certain pattern or method in life, it’s hard to make a break through it and accomplish something entirely new – I hit the bottleneck all the time, half wishing I didn’t have to, but I guess that’s part of figuring life out.

I’m trying to figure out where my priority lies.

The past week I’ve done two photo shoots on campus, one for a sorority group and one for a DJ. And it got me thinking about redefining my view on photography. Will I be able to see myself doing it professionally? I personally don’t know the odds of that but I do want to give it a go.

Two very different group and clearly challenging task for an amateur photographer like myself because I have only done it once before for the same sorority. But it was a great opportunity for me to practise and identify my weaknesses while highlighting my strengths, and I believe I have improved tremendously compared to my first photo shoot stint. I guess one of the toughest things about photoshoots is having the concept in your head before you start shooting – preparation is key as you need to have an idea of how many people you’re shooting, the location and a ton more to consider. One have to think of their feet to in order to cope with any special needs on set. I need to be more creative and guide my subject instead of asking them to be themselves or pose in a way they’re most comfortable with, because anyone with a camera could do that so if I want to excel as a creative photographer, I must take the leap and go crazy with the ideas..and crap I think I want to play with lights, but too bad, it’s not on my priority now. My priority now is to work on existing resources and skill sets before I pick up something new again.

I enjoy learning new skills and admittedly I learn fast, but I really would like to be very good at something specifically. I guess for the same reason I will have to drop one of my classes where I was put on the spot to play the xylophone solo. It wasn’t difficult and I knew given enough time I can master it, but do I really want to devote so much time on it? No, not really.

But really, everyday I try to outdo myself and that comes with practice, practice and more practice.


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