Right now I’m quite tired of the same old scene. Every waking day started with one thought ‘I wish I’d done this and that yesterday’ and that really annoys me. I need a physical bucket list because obviously my brain’s too crowded with random thoughts. Maybe I need a fresh air elsewhere since I’ve been stuck here for the entire Summer, while others are paving their way to greatness in career and education. I am upset with myself somehow, wishing I’d at least took a class, volunteered at a shelter or did something worthwhile. Instead I spend my days working, shooting photos occasionally and try to make a break on Youtube. Then I realize how silly and naive I was. I got the whole thing wrong. I’d forgotten to bring Summer to myself by staying indoors most of the time. And sigh, it might be too late to regret any of that – all I can say is, I need to do something different for a change.
Yesterday I was recording until two in the morning. I trashed everything because they were sub-par. Maybe I was sub-par. It frustrates me so much. I was at the brink of giving up…then I recalled that Brooke Shaden, a young and talented Dark Art photographer once said in her interview with [FRAMED] when asked about post-processing her photos. She would use hours to edit them, sleep through it and continue to work on it the next day with fresh pair of eyes.
Perhaps I’m too ambitious, thinking I could achieve everything I wanted this Summer or more precisely, build Rome in one day. I don’t like to sleep through my projects so I sometimes chose to delay working on them instead, thinking that I might find the right time to do it at one go – I was wrong. I was being overachieving. I didn’t give myself enough time or credit for the work I’ve done. I need to stop pushing myself or I’ll end up hating what I do and that would be very unfortunate.
Today I woke up feeling fresh and decided to take things one step at a time. Everything I do begs for attention, precision and time. It’ll be unfair to deprive them any of that and I guess I’ve been trying too hard. It’s okay to have a work-in-progress list, so I’ll resist the temptation of trying to cross out everything on my list and instead give myself more space to improve. Better deliver your best than rushing through it. Remember, you only live once.